Tag Archives: Relationships

I Miss..

=> Chatting with my mom till I fell asleep during nights.. and bothering her with my gossips even when she’s damn tired and wanted to sleep..

=> The ‘She’s My Girl’ look on my dad’s face whenever I did something great..

=> The fights with my bro… (I don’t understand why do we have to stop fighting after we get married.. shouldn’t it be a ‘must have’ for this relationship forever?!)…

=> Playing with my sweet little niece and nephews ‘Manas and Runjhun’.. (And of course scolding them for no reason :P.. )

=> My dad’s lap whenever I am tired (I just wonder at times.. did he really never get frustrated with all those tantrums of mine or is it just that they didn’t show)..

=> Meeting my friends whenever I wanted to..

=>  Crying whenever I wanted to (I guess that’s a part of growing up…)

=> Being the ‘pampered-tantrum throwing-spoilt brat’…

=> Those little surprises by Tuts. (He hardly does any of those now.. :P)..

=> My college life — every emotion – anger, fear, anxiety, joy, sadness, hurt, loneliness and still knowing that life couldn’t have been better.. And much more……

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Eight months of absolute bliss!!

I know this is the most cliche sentence I can say but still I’ll say it… It seems like yesterday that we got married… doesn’t feel like eight months by any stretch of imagination!!! And its so overwhelming to remember each of those special moments that we witnessed in this period… The SMS fight just before you reached the wedding venue, my first day at your place, the honeymoon and so many other trips, the fights, the disagreements and the warmth on solving those disagreements, understanding and knowing each other more and more everyday, the good, bad and ugly times…aah… i can go on and on and on…

Its unbelievable for me and for others who know me… to see that someone has tolerated me for so long… and that without many grins 🙂 I know how impossible I get at times… I also know how nasty I get at times but then again, I ove doing that also 😀

On a more serious note, I still believe that I couldn’t have been luckier… coz you are the best for me 🙂 I love you… 🙂 more than you will ever know… more than I can ever say… and though it seems like yesterday when we got married… I can’t imagine my life without you! You’re a sweetheart tuts! 🙂

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On the Track..

Got to read the following excerpt from one of my favorite books “The Zahir” by Paulo Cohelo… and thought of sharing it at my blog.. and, here it goes..

“I went to a train station today and learned that the distance between railway tracks is always 143.5 centimeters or 4 feet 8.1/2 inches. Why this absurd measurement? I asked my girlfriend to find out and this is what she discovered. When they built the first train carriages, they used the same tools as they had for building horse-drawn carriages. And why that distance between the wheels on carriages? Because that was the width of the old roads along which the carriages had to travel. And who decided that roads should be that width? Well, suddenly, we are plunged back into the distant past. It was the Romans, the first great road-builders, who decided to make their roads that width. And why? Because there chariots were pulled by two horses, and when placed side by side, the horses they used at the time took up 143.5 cm.

So the distance between the tracks I saw today used by our state-of- the- art high-speed (French) trains, was determined by the Romans. When people went to the United States and started building railways there, it didn’t occur to them to change the width and so it stayed as it was. This even affected the building of space shuttles. American engineers thought the fuel tanks should be wider, but the tanks were built in Utah and had to be transported by train to the Space Center in Florida, and the tunnels couldn’t take anything wider. And so they had to accept the measurement that the Romans had decided as the ideal. But what has all this to do with marriage?

I paused. It has everything to do with marriage… At some point in history, someone turned up and said: when two people get married, they must stay frozen like that for the rest of their lives. You will move along side by side like two tracks, keeping always that same distance apart. Even if sometimes one of you needs to be a little further away or a little closer, that is against the rules. The rules say: be sensible, think of the future, think of your children.

You cant change, you must be like two railway tracks that remain the same distance apart all the way from their point of departure to their destination. The rules don’t allow for love to change, or to grow at the start and diminish halfway through – it is too dangerous. And so, after the enthusiasm of the first few years, they maintain the same distance, the same solidity, the same functional nature. Your purpose is to allow the train bearing the survival of the species to head off into the future: your children will only be happy if you stay just as you were – 143.5 cm. apart!!

If you are not happy with something that never changes, think of them, think of the children you brought into the world. Think of your neighbours. Show them that you are happy, eat roast beef on Sundays, watch television, help the community. Think of society: dress in such a way that everyone knows you are in perfect harmony Never glance to the side, someone might be watching you, and that could bring temptation, it could mean divorce, crisis, depression. Smile in all the photos. Put the photos in the living room, so that everyone can see them. ….. but never forget, these rules were established long ago and must be respected. Who established these rules? That doesn’t matter. Don’t question them, because they will always apply, even if you don’t agree with them.”

Well…to be honest…I don’t really want to agree with the writer here. Yes, the rules used to be those… till sometime back. But not anymore. With changing times, people are becoming sensible enough to think of themselves and their happiness before thinking of the ‘society’. That doesn’t mean we ignore the society completely…not here in India for sure… but things are definitely changing. We are moving towards more of a WIN-WIN situation.. Aren’t we?

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I am married!!

I’ve written about a lot of things on my blog that I felt were important (and unimportant too) to me, so it’s something of an uncanny feeling to know that I’m writing about the one that’s the most important thing I’ve ever written. I got married, yeah I know I’m late in writing this… its been over a month that I got married. I so wanted to write this post but couldn’t do so earlier.. thinking that its always better late than never.. here it starts..

My hubby’s name (yeah hubby!) is Saurabh Tuteja (I call him Tutu as many of his friends) Many of you who know me in person have met him and know of him.

It’s hard to find words to describe something as amazing as what this past month and half was like for me. The funny thing about life is that the most profound things are often the most banal. Our story is unique and at the same time exactly the same as every love story that’s ever been. Though this was the most personal thing I’ve ever been through, it’s one of the few events so universal that almost everyone understands it. And I wish everyone could have the happiness we do, and could have as much fun as we’ve been having.

But there are the parts that are uniquely us, maybe even some ideas that might inspire other people who wrestle with the everyday details of relationships, commitment, family, friendship, and marriage. I don’t intend to write about what he means to me, because some things are just for us.

So how did I get to this point? Growing up, I didn’t understand marriage in the same way as my peers. My parents basically had an arranged marriage, which gave me a vastly different perspective on the path to commitment. (Arranged marriages aren’t quite as exotic as most people seem to think: Being set up with someone who shares your economic, cultural, religious, and social background is pretty much a universal tendency, whether the setup happens through one’s parents, a temple mixer, or on any shaadi.com.)

The defining trait of marriage in these contexts is that the commitment comes first. It doesn’t occur to most people to get upset that they don’t get to choose their siblings; You just love your brother or sister, or you try to, and you fight sometimes and you disagree, and then you get over it, and that’s what family is about. And in some ways, marriage can be like that, too. There’s a liberation in knowing you don’t have an easy out: You know you’re going to make it work, and you’re not going to give up.

So one of the great things about having had the perspective of another culture’s look at marriage was realizing that there’s a freedom in knowing you can always count on the commitment as a framework that you work within. The absence of that immutable commitment was the thing I most lamented and was dismayed by in so many of the marriages I saw growing up. And it made it easier to know when I was ready and that I’d found the right person who shared that desire, even in a thoroughly Indian context.

Once you get to the point where you know you’re ready to get married, though, there’s a lot of logistics. And I think it’s probably stressful for most people. Everything I’d seen on television or movies or magazines seemed so much more focused on people getting “weddinged” than on getting married. If you tell people you’re engaged, they start talking to you about that one day, and almost never about the other half century you’re signing up for.

The sad truth is, when it comes time to get married, people talk about arbitrary (or tacky!) traditions and what kind of dessert you’re going to have and who’s sitting at what table. But they don’t talk about whether the couple really tells each other the truth, whether they share the same opinion about family and things. If those things don’t sound romantic to you, then maybe you’re not doing it right.

I’ve been married of just one and a half month; I won’t pretend that I can give anybody advice on married life. But I’ve already seen what’s worked to get me to a commitment and a love I never thought I’d find. I’ve learned that, when you’re doing things right, starting a life together as a couple can be fun and enjoyable and downright simple.

And perhaps just as importantly, I learned that you can define love and life on your own terms. Our families and friends came together to bring us together. And in the end, that inspiration is what we’re trying to honor by making this step together.

Among the many things that were said, some of the words that a dear friend shared struck me as the best lesson I learned in getting married. And like I said, it could seem simple, even obvious, when you read it on a screen, because it’s so universal. But when you live it and make a public commitment to it, it becomes downright profound.

What he told is that, in the end, only love matters. Success and fame and wealth and even health all fade in time, and in the end all you have is love. And love is what matters. I hope everyone in the world gets the chance to discover that in the way that I have. I love you, Tutu.

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Going back to memory lanes..

This post is solely dedicated to my brother.. mera bhai 🙂

Today…while searching for some files in my system I got this song in some folder.. “Afreen Afreen” by Nurat fateh ali khan.. guess its been one of the most popular songs by Nurat Fateh ali khan..

listening to this song took me back into memory lanes..

its been a thing of over 15 years.. when I was in my middle school and my brother in his late teens.. on some diwali…(its been a culture for a long to buy some new electronics over diwali in our family) we got a new samsung music system (CD Player), I don’t remember the exact specs of that one of the most special electronic gazette that we bought… but the thing I remember is that it was damn close to him as well as me.. so you must be wondering where the connection of this song.. “Afreen” and this music system and the attachment comes between.. we got a pack of over 20 cd’s FREE with that music system… (p.s. digital form of music were rare that time, and cd’s were quite expensive as per our budget) and out of those 20 cd’s one compact disc had this song.. and my brother used to play this song at highest possible volume almost daily in the morning while he gets ready for his college and me getting ready for school irritating our mother and our neighbors and I used to love that like anything.. I guess my passion of listening music at a high volume comes hereditary… and that music system still lies in my mom’s bed room in a non-working condition as expected… 😛 as we could never find courage or time 😛 whatever your say.. to throw that out.. 🙂

Luv u bro.. miss those amazing days… 😦

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Human emotions..

For sometime, i had a feeling that the most devastating human emotion is loneliness and it could be a real dangerous suffering. We are humans filled with emotions and we need to care for others and want to be cared by someone. Caring is a basic need and it is as important as food and water…

In today’s busy world, the only reason we are more lonely is because we are turning into a rude, negative society. Have you ever given a thought that we aren’t that friendly and personable, and negativity just jumps directly from one person to the other. Why don’t we smile with our eyes? And, why don’t we really like many people. Universal law demands that we receive exactly is what we give out. Negativity attracts negative energy so things only get worse.

With modern communication channels i.e., e-mail, SMSing and instant messaging, we hardly get a chance to meet face to face anymore, and precisely this is the reason of our disappearing social skills. The real smiley’s have turned into the messenger smiles and are often used to soften a rude remark by most of the people.

People who bluntly write things which probably they would never say face-to-face, make a good use of Blogs and bring out the worst. Manners have taken a flying leap and mean rudeness has become the false metaphore of honesty. How many blogs you read have a blunt statement right up front warning the Dear Reader, don’t u like it, you can get the F out. Rudeness gathers its own around and each tries to outdo the other. No wonder, we call this modern communication. 😉

Just as a flutter of a butterfly wing in one part of the world changes the weather in the opposite hemisphere, a single frown or a smile can affect the world around you. I have started realising that how my closeones get affected with a frown on my face and same applies to smiles as well.. it does wonders at times.. 🙂 One in all, i would say Negative and positive energy are powerful natural forces, and we aren’t smart enough to take advantage of them. The idea that humans can change the world through their thoughts may be too ‘new-age’ for many, but think about it honestly before brushing it away. After all, it’s been working since the beginning of time.

Coming back on the personal front.. what one should do on a lonely day…?? What i generally do is that I try my experiment on a lonely day… I try to listen to only upbeat, happy music, or accentuate the positive in everything. I want to try to eliminate all negative thinking for that lonely day, Smile with my eyes, voice, and mouth. Or i would love to take a few moments to quiet the chaos within by gazing at beauty or just remember the moments of fun… and let that feeling flow through me… wish i could ever do so.. but frankly speaking even the thought of having a lonely day is scary in itself but that’s life.. it happens.. you do feel lonely at times..

It is obvious that you can’t erase years of negative thinking from your psyche in a few hours but i believe its worth given a try… after all its all in the mind.. 🙂

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Life is about revelations….

“…Childhood was about faith and belief. Faith in the tooth fairy and in cartoon characters. Faith in God that He would hear a child’s prayer instantly. That time was about our unreal concepts of reality. How Superman was too good to be untrue, He-Man the Master of the Universe, and the Smurfs too small to be seen.

Life was about Revelations: learning that cartoons are just paper; that Big Bird was not really a bird, and that the Cookie Monster didn’t really eat all those cookies; that our clothes didn’t get smaller; we grew larger so they didn’t fit us; that the sun didn’t go round the earth, God didn’t live on the moon.

Life was about friends. And games. And color. And crayons, color-pencils and coloring books. It was about matching the dots to complete the picture. And about water balloons and paper airplanes. It was about stories. And innocence. And belief. And the truth.

But birthday after birthday, the bubble came closer to bursting. We grew up regardless of our wanting to grow up. It just happened. Time flowed on, taking us with it. We took a little while to realize where we had gotten. We are now showered with the responsibilities, and there are many expectations .We are required to do things which we used to think were ‘grown up stuff’. Hallelujah, we are now officially ‘all grown up’. Enter the new world, the big bad world of grown ups.

As we tread the path of life, we learn that there are only few people whom you can trust.. The process of learning this staring-at-you-right-in-the-face reality is, of course, a painful one. It’s a test of our patience, tolerance, and belief.

In the past you could join the dots and complete a picture. You would then color it and paste it on your bedroom door. Now, being a part of this big complicated world, it’s difficult even finding all the dots. Once you gather all of them, you fail to join them. Some betray you, some leave never to reappear, some you reject, and some just don’t fit in the picture. You are left with a half-colored, incomplete image. But you are still looking…”

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