Monthly Archives: November 2008

I am married!!

I’ve written about a lot of things on my blog that I felt were important (and unimportant too) to me, so it’s something of an uncanny feeling to know that I’m writing about the one that’s the most important thing I’ve ever written. I got married, yeah I know I’m late in writing this… its been over a month that I got married. I so wanted to write this post but couldn’t do so earlier.. thinking that its always better late than never.. here it starts..

My hubby’s name (yeah hubby!) is Saurabh Tuteja (I call him Tutu as many of his friends) Many of you who know me in person have met him and know of him.

It’s hard to find words to describe something as amazing as what this past month and half was like for me. The funny thing about life is that the most profound things are often the most banal. Our story is unique and at the same time exactly the same as every love story that’s ever been. Though this was the most personal thing I’ve ever been through, it’s one of the few events so universal that almost everyone understands it. And I wish everyone could have the happiness we do, and could have as much fun as we’ve been having.

But there are the parts that are uniquely us, maybe even some ideas that might inspire other people who wrestle with the everyday details of relationships, commitment, family, friendship, and marriage. I don’t intend to write about what he means to me, because some things are just for us.

So how did I get to this point? Growing up, I didn’t understand marriage in the same way as my peers. My parents basically had an arranged marriage, which gave me a vastly different perspective on the path to commitment. (Arranged marriages aren’t quite as exotic as most people seem to think: Being set up with someone who shares your economic, cultural, religious, and social background is pretty much a universal tendency, whether the setup happens through one’s parents, a temple mixer, or on any shaadi.com.)

The defining trait of marriage in these contexts is that the commitment comes first. It doesn’t occur to most people to get upset that they don’t get to choose their siblings; You just love your brother or sister, or you try to, and you fight sometimes and you disagree, and then you get over it, and that’s what family is about. And in some ways, marriage can be like that, too. There’s a liberation in knowing you don’t have an easy out: You know you’re going to make it work, and you’re not going to give up.

So one of the great things about having had the perspective of another culture’s look at marriage was realizing that there’s a freedom in knowing you can always count on the commitment as a framework that you work within. The absence of that immutable commitment was the thing I most lamented and was dismayed by in so many of the marriages I saw growing up. And it made it easier to know when I was ready and that I’d found the right person who shared that desire, even in a thoroughly Indian context.

Once you get to the point where you know you’re ready to get married, though, there’s a lot of logistics. And I think it’s probably stressful for most people. Everything I’d seen on television or movies or magazines seemed so much more focused on people getting “weddinged” than on getting married. If you tell people you’re engaged, they start talking to you about that one day, and almost never about the other half century you’re signing up for.

The sad truth is, when it comes time to get married, people talk about arbitrary (or tacky!) traditions and what kind of dessert you’re going to have and who’s sitting at what table. But they don’t talk about whether the couple really tells each other the truth, whether they share the same opinion about family and things. If those things don’t sound romantic to you, then maybe you’re not doing it right.

I’ve been married of just one and a half month; I won’t pretend that I can give anybody advice on married life. But I’ve already seen what’s worked to get me to a commitment and a love I never thought I’d find. I’ve learned that, when you’re doing things right, starting a life together as a couple can be fun and enjoyable and downright simple.

And perhaps just as importantly, I learned that you can define love and life on your own terms. Our families and friends came together to bring us together. And in the end, that inspiration is what we’re trying to honor by making this step together.

Among the many things that were said, some of the words that a dear friend shared struck me as the best lesson I learned in getting married. And like I said, it could seem simple, even obvious, when you read it on a screen, because it’s so universal. But when you live it and make a public commitment to it, it becomes downright profound.

What he told is that, in the end, only love matters. Success and fame and wealth and even health all fade in time, and in the end all you have is love. And love is what matters. I hope everyone in the world gets the chance to discover that in the way that I have. I love you, Tutu.

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Going back to memory lanes..

This post is solely dedicated to my brother.. mera bhai 🙂

Today…while searching for some files in my system I got this song in some folder.. “Afreen Afreen” by Nurat fateh ali khan.. guess its been one of the most popular songs by Nurat Fateh ali khan..

listening to this song took me back into memory lanes..

its been a thing of over 15 years.. when I was in my middle school and my brother in his late teens.. on some diwali…(its been a culture for a long to buy some new electronics over diwali in our family) we got a new samsung music system (CD Player), I don’t remember the exact specs of that one of the most special electronic gazette that we bought… but the thing I remember is that it was damn close to him as well as me.. so you must be wondering where the connection of this song.. “Afreen” and this music system and the attachment comes between.. we got a pack of over 20 cd’s FREE with that music system… (p.s. digital form of music were rare that time, and cd’s were quite expensive as per our budget) and out of those 20 cd’s one compact disc had this song.. and my brother used to play this song at highest possible volume almost daily in the morning while he gets ready for his college and me getting ready for school irritating our mother and our neighbors and I used to love that like anything.. I guess my passion of listening music at a high volume comes hereditary… and that music system still lies in my mom’s bed room in a non-working condition as expected… 😛 as we could never find courage or time 😛 whatever your say.. to throw that out.. 🙂

Luv u bro.. miss those amazing days… 😦

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Looking at myself..

Some people can just find reasons to celebrate out of nothing and others (like me) keep sulking and cribbing and remain upset and worried and anxious even when life gives them a reason good enough to celebrate or rather have a bashing celebration!!! I am just hating it and the worst is that I know it the but I am not doing anything about it (apart from posting this rant here) and I don’t even understand why I am not doing anything about it!

I just don’t feel like celebrating… why? I just don’t know! But I know this is not the best thing to do… this is not the best of behaviors… and this is not how I have ever wanted to be! I have always wanted to be and have been the one to show others every minutest reason to smile, to feel good, to celebrate. I remember how often I used to use the phrase ‘C’mon, lets go out and have fun’… And haven’t I always believed that it’s important to celebrate every small occasion with a lot of passion to appreciate small things in life which are apparently more important than the so-called ‘big’ ones!

And I remember sending cards and flowers and SMSes I don’t know what all to people to celebrate li’l things like rose day/b’day/promotions/v day/friendship day and every other ‘day’ on the planet, to make them smile when they are feeling down for no reason, to wish good luck, or sometimes just wishing a smile for someone to make the day special… then why the hell can’t I do it for myself? Why can’t I celebrate my small but special moments/days… why can’t I smile for the same things when the happen with me, on which I like making others smile? I wonder where will I land up in life with so many ‘whys’… and today I am forcing myself to have fun.. m planning a vacation thinking that it might help me come out of this irritation..

This is not funny at all…. especially knowing myself, knowing how much I have always cared for these ‘may be stupid’ things…. and right now I feel like laughing at myself… It seems like life is telling me… look you idiot…how you used to waste time on these stupid things…and like a small child I am telling it that those things were not stupid… they were always worth that celebration… and then.. it just laughs at me.. and I keep standing with my head down…

I am just plain, simple irritated right now… not with anyone else but myself… I don’t have to do this to myself!

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Again ranting time..

Yes, I am irritated again. Like really bad! I am having bad mood swings… nothing special really.. its just that time!

But right now everything seem so wrong…and at this point, I am capable of grumbling over just about anything…like the wind blowing or the sun shining or the mountains not moving or the sky not being pink or the water being wet or the Earth being round or whatever!

I hate it. I hate these oscillations in my freaking head! But as always writing helps… and am feeling little better already but then people…still beware of me today!

Plzzzzzzzz………. Someone help me smile…!!!

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